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[His smile can only brighten when Nagisa mentions them being stronger here. That's so cool!]

Maybe I'll try putting some together then sometime...I dunno if they'd be better than something wishing spirits could do though...they're magic! My art skills aren't magic.

[He's going to try though!! Jataro sits back, admiring the truck still before moving it in the air like it's driving a little. He's quiet, no excited rambling or anything. Maybe he's thinking about something? Or maybe he's just really focused on whatever fire scenario he's got going in his head. Surely that truck is going somewhere!]

Your building skills may not be, but you shouldn't say none of your art skills are magic. I mean...you can paint with magic. And you can make magic ice sculptures.

[He watches Jataro play with the truck. While he's a little surprised by the lack of rambling, he's more surprised by the lack of sound effects. Jataro is just that kind of kid, after all.]

[He nods a little, still focused on the truck. And that is a thing to be surprised about, because he'd normally make sound effects to go with it. Little brrrrs and such...oh wait! Maybe that was one!

...no, it was a hiccup. Just a little soft one, but probably not any sort of car noise. And it's followed by another one, one of Jataro's auxiliary hands raising quickly to start rubbing at his eyes.]

[...okay, now he's starting to get a little concerned. Those aren't the noises he was expecting to hear at all. Hiccups and eye rubs can only mean...]

...Jataro? Are you okay? What's wrong?

[There are some more hiccups and a couple of sounds that definitely mean he's crying. Not to mention the couple of tears that manage to escape his hand. The truck is lowered to rest in his lap.]

Th-they...really granted my wish...

[Remember when he said it was okay if they didn't?? He was 100% expecting none of his wishes to get granted. And now he's really thinking about the fact that these spirits actually used their magic to give him something.

He's happy, really.]

Wh-why did they grant my wish? I don't...

[Well. Probably happy.]

[...yup, this is what he was afraid of. Darn it, Jataro! This wasn't supposed to make you cry!]

Because that's what wish spirits do! They wouldn't really be wish spirits if they didn't grant wishes, right?

I don't d-deserve it th-though!

[He sounds frustrated as he says this, louder than he really means, the rest of his free hands coming up to hide his face as he continues crying.]

I don't deserve it! I don't! I'm awful and horrible and disgusting and garbage and I don't deserve things like this...I don't deserve to have wishes. I don't deserve anything granting my wishes. Wh-why are they being nice to me?

[This is something that's been slowly starting to eat at him for a while now, here in Ryslig. Not the wishing spirits specifically, but everyone.]

Wh-why do they get me ice cream? Why do they play with me? Why do they say nice things about me or help me with things? Why aren't they mean to me? E-everyone should just be mean to me! They should hate me, and bully me! I'm so ugly and easy to hate, so why won't they?

[He's curling up as best as he's able to, pulling his feet onto the bed and wrapping one set of arms around his knees. One arm hugs the truck tight to himself, but carefully, and the other helps shield his face as he hides it in his knees.]

I wish everyone would j-just...pick on me, and push me around, and ignore me and pretend I don't exist...why can't they just do that...it's so easy so why...

Jataro...

[Oh boy. Nagisa isn't surprised by what he's hearing. While he wasn't expecting to hear it today, he knew that eventually Jataro would voice these questions aloud.]

[The nymph shifts on the bed, moving as close to Jataro as he can and wrapping both left arms AND his cape around the smaller boy. It's a little awkward because Jataro's curled up into a ball but whatever, he can work with this.]

Let me ask you something. Why do you hate the things that you hate?

[He doesn't answer immediately, sniffling and hiccuping still, but eventually a quiet reply comes out.]

Because they're awful...yucky bird skin, icky vegetables, gross milk film, horrible demons...I don't like them...they deserve to be hated...

[Take you time, friend, it's okay. Nagisa is nothing if not patient.]

And how did you come to learn that they were awful? That wasn't something you knew instinctively, was it?

[Do you see where he's going with this, Jataro?]

Edited 2017-08-04 23:01 (UTC)

Well...no...but everyone hates me. You and Big Sis Junko and Fog-sama are the only ones who don't hate me, but everyone else does! Everyone always picked on me and pretend I wasn't there...even all the other kids! And the demons hated me, and...

[He whines, clutching the side of his head a little.]

How can anyone like someone as ugly as me? My mask is so ugly, and I'm even uglier under it! That should tell people that I'm a horrible person! People hate ugly things! People don't want things that look like trash, they want sparkly and pretty and nice looking things! I'm trash no matter how you look at it!

[Finally he sits up, eyes puffy and red and still wet with tears.]

Should I try harder...? Am I not trying hard enough...? I say all the ugly things everyone at home didn't like, I kill and beat demons and it's fun and I tell people it's fun, I like stealing and doing other bad stuff...! Is that not enough...it should just be enough that I'm so hateable in the first place! I'm the worst of the worst!

I know. I know they did. [He gives Jataro's shoulder a little squeeze.] But Ryslig is different, you know? It's not the same as our world... There are adults that aren't demons, and a whole different set of rules to play by because of Fog-sama. So you can't really expect everything that held true in Japan to also hold true here.

And...looks don't matter nearly as much as you think they do when it comes to this sort of thing. You're not friends with me because of the way I look, right? The same holds true for others when they look at you. People like Reira-chan, Jimmy, Mitsuhide, Ibuki, Amanda... [He trails off, allowing Jataro to fill in the pause on his own. To fill it in with the names and faces of other people he's met here who are nice to him.] Even if you wear an ugly mask, they don't see you as trash because they care more about what's underneath it.

And people like that...I don't think you should try harder to make them hate you.

[He's quiet as he listens, eventually resting his chin on his knees. He looks...more resigned than convinced.]

...they'll hate me eventually. I'll mess up...and then they'll hate me...and they won't want to be nice to me anymore. I'm not a person that people are supposed to like, they just don't know it yet. I don't know how to be a good person, or a friendly person, or the type of person you're supposed to like. So...so one day they'll stop, and then everything I do will be wrong, and they won't want me around anymore. I don't want that Shingetsu-kun...

[Why can't people just make it easy and hate him immediately?]

Edited 2017-08-04 23:53 (UTC)

[Jataro, you're breaking his heart. Is this his punishment for breaking his promise not to look at your wishes? He just wanted to do something nice...it wasn't supposed to go this way!]

[The nymph tightens his grip around his friend at the whisper. Of course he doesn't want that. Nagisa knows full well that Jataro doesn't REALLY want people to hate him. He's known it for ages. The desire to be hated is a defense mechanism, a wall the artist put up to shield himself from heartbreak.]

I still want you around.

[How long has it been, Jataro? How many years has Nagisa known you, how much of you has he seen? And yet, he still doesn't hate you. You still haven't driven him away. He's still right next to you.]

[If you can manage that with one person (though Nagisa is certain it holds true for the other warriors as well), you can manage it with others.]

[Finally Jataro unfurls, gently setting his truck down on the bed next to him before wrapping all four of his arms around his friend. His fingers curl around and grip to the bark running up the other boy's back tightly, though hopefully without hurting the other, and he just nods.

It means so much that you still want him around, Nagisa. He's not sure if he'll ever be able to tell you how much. There probably aren't any words to describe it. He'll have to make up some new ones! But he's just going to sit here and hug you for a bit, okay?]

[That's okay. Take all the time you need, friend. Nagisa is apparently not going anywhere. He just pats the top of his friend's head gently. There, there.]

[At least he doesn't have any clothes to get snot on. And he smells really nice!]

[His grip around the boy tightens just a little, desperately almost, and he tries to choke back some of his crying. Eventually he does manage, and even manages to get some quiet words out.]

Please don't ever hate me, Shingetsu-kun...please don't leave me alone. Even when everyone else starts hating me...please...I know that's not fair...since I'm really terrible, and I will do something, someday, that'll make you hate me...but please don't.

[Hopefully Nagisa is up to this task. He's gone from desperately needing to be hated to desperately needing to be loved. There's just no in between with this boy. He's just not sure what he'd do now if the nymph ever stopped liking him...]

Edited 2017-08-17 21:52 (UTC)

[At least Nagisa was prepared for something like this. All of the warriors had spent their lives starved of love and affection, but Jataro had perhaps had it worst in that regard.]

[It doesn't take a genius to figure out that a child who's only ever known hatred and neglect would hyper-attach like this. He saw it happen with Junko. He's known all along that "please hate me" is Jataro's backwards-twisted way of saying "please love me".]

[The nymph raises a hand and gently rubs the back of Jataro's head. Other than a slight wheeze thanks to Jataro's tightened grip, he makes no attempt to push the boy away or get him to stop.]

I won't, I promise. Pinky promise, even.

Uu..uuuuuu....

[Don't be fooled by those sad sounding noises. He's very happy right now. So happy. Probably the happiest he has ever truly been. But at least he lets go, not squeezing him anymore but trying to untangle himself. Why?

So he can hold up all four of his pinkies.]

Pinky promise...?

[Nagisa smiles and holds up all four of his own hands without a moment's hesitation, interlocking each of his pinkies with Jataro's. Apparently, he'd had the same idea. What's the point in having four hands if you can't make a pinky promise four times as strong as a normal one?]

Pinky promise.

[What's the point!! Four hands make literally everything better, including pinky promises.]

Okay...thank you, Shingetsu-kun.

[He sounds incredibly grateful, as if the boy just saved his life or something. Something that you'd think would be more significant than pinky promising to be his friend.]

You're welcome, Jataro.

[He pulls his hands away once they've sealed the deal and turns his gaze to the set-aside truck.]

So...why did you wish for a fire truck, anyway? What are you going to do with it?

[He sniffles a little, wiping at his face some as he turns and reaches back for his truck. And then he holds it out to him.]

Don't you think fire trucks are cool? They get to drive around really fast, and they make those really loud noises, and they have hoses on them that can spray water and ladders that go up and up and up! They're a lot better than other cars and trucks. Plus, they're red like blood! And if you drive one, you get to wear the fire fighter outfit.

[Nagisa looks a little taken aback and confused when Jataro holds the truck out to him, but after a moment he takes it in hand anyway, turning the little toy over in his hands to look at it from all the angles he's already seen it from.]

When you put it that way, I guess they are pretty cool. But...all fire fighters have to wear the uniform, you know. Not just the ones who drive. It's protective gear.

Yeah, but I wouldn't want to do any of the firefighting part.

[Just the driving or riding part.]

Well, except for you Shingetsu-kun. I'll fight any fires you need me to!

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PriestOfHope. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 087.10.149.52 * PriestOfHope has joined 087.10.149.52 <PriestOfHope> have you ever wondered what happens to your thoughts when you send them? <PriestOfHope> people say if a camera takes your picture it actually steals your soul! <PriestOfHope> maybe computers do the same thing... <PriestOfHope>** oh this is jataro. i guess you can leave a message if you want.

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