maskinglayer | [IC] INBOX

[Take you time, friend, it's okay. Nagisa is nothing if not patient.]

And how did you come to learn that they were awful? That wasn't something you knew instinctively, was it?

[Do you see where he's going with this, Jataro?]

Edited 2017-08-04 23:01 (UTC)

Well...no...but everyone hates me. You and Big Sis Junko and Fog-sama are the only ones who don't hate me, but everyone else does! Everyone always picked on me and pretend I wasn't there...even all the other kids! And the demons hated me, and...

[He whines, clutching the side of his head a little.]

How can anyone like someone as ugly as me? My mask is so ugly, and I'm even uglier under it! That should tell people that I'm a horrible person! People hate ugly things! People don't want things that look like trash, they want sparkly and pretty and nice looking things! I'm trash no matter how you look at it!

[Finally he sits up, eyes puffy and red and still wet with tears.]

Should I try harder...? Am I not trying hard enough...? I say all the ugly things everyone at home didn't like, I kill and beat demons and it's fun and I tell people it's fun, I like stealing and doing other bad stuff...! Is that not enough...it should just be enough that I'm so hateable in the first place! I'm the worst of the worst!

I know. I know they did. [He gives Jataro's shoulder a little squeeze.] But Ryslig is different, you know? It's not the same as our world... There are adults that aren't demons, and a whole different set of rules to play by because of Fog-sama. So you can't really expect everything that held true in Japan to also hold true here.

And...looks don't matter nearly as much as you think they do when it comes to this sort of thing. You're not friends with me because of the way I look, right? The same holds true for others when they look at you. People like Reira-chan, Jimmy, Mitsuhide, Ibuki, Amanda... [He trails off, allowing Jataro to fill in the pause on his own. To fill it in with the names and faces of other people he's met here who are nice to him.] Even if you wear an ugly mask, they don't see you as trash because they care more about what's underneath it.

And people like that...I don't think you should try harder to make them hate you.

[He's quiet as he listens, eventually resting his chin on his knees. He looks...more resigned than convinced.]

...they'll hate me eventually. I'll mess up...and then they'll hate me...and they won't want to be nice to me anymore. I'm not a person that people are supposed to like, they just don't know it yet. I don't know how to be a good person, or a friendly person, or the type of person you're supposed to like. So...so one day they'll stop, and then everything I do will be wrong, and they won't want me around anymore. I don't want that Shingetsu-kun...

[Why can't people just make it easy and hate him immediately?]

Edited 2017-08-04 23:53 (UTC)

[Jataro, you're breaking his heart. Is this his punishment for breaking his promise not to look at your wishes? He just wanted to do something nice...it wasn't supposed to go this way!]

[The nymph tightens his grip around his friend at the whisper. Of course he doesn't want that. Nagisa knows full well that Jataro doesn't REALLY want people to hate him. He's known it for ages. The desire to be hated is a defense mechanism, a wall the artist put up to shield himself from heartbreak.]

I still want you around.

[How long has it been, Jataro? How many years has Nagisa known you, how much of you has he seen? And yet, he still doesn't hate you. You still haven't driven him away. He's still right next to you.]

[If you can manage that with one person (though Nagisa is certain it holds true for the other warriors as well), you can manage it with others.]

[Finally Jataro unfurls, gently setting his truck down on the bed next to him before wrapping all four of his arms around his friend. His fingers curl around and grip to the bark running up the other boy's back tightly, though hopefully without hurting the other, and he just nods.

It means so much that you still want him around, Nagisa. He's not sure if he'll ever be able to tell you how much. There probably aren't any words to describe it. He'll have to make up some new ones! But he's just going to sit here and hug you for a bit, okay?]

[That's okay. Take all the time you need, friend. Nagisa is apparently not going anywhere. He just pats the top of his friend's head gently. There, there.]

[At least he doesn't have any clothes to get snot on. And he smells really nice!]

[His grip around the boy tightens just a little, desperately almost, and he tries to choke back some of his crying. Eventually he does manage, and even manages to get some quiet words out.]

Please don't ever hate me, Shingetsu-kun...please don't leave me alone. Even when everyone else starts hating me...please...I know that's not fair...since I'm really terrible, and I will do something, someday, that'll make you hate me...but please don't.

[Hopefully Nagisa is up to this task. He's gone from desperately needing to be hated to desperately needing to be loved. There's just no in between with this boy. He's just not sure what he'd do now if the nymph ever stopped liking him...]

Edited 2017-08-17 21:52 (UTC)

[At least Nagisa was prepared for something like this. All of the warriors had spent their lives starved of love and affection, but Jataro had perhaps had it worst in that regard.]

[It doesn't take a genius to figure out that a child who's only ever known hatred and neglect would hyper-attach like this. He saw it happen with Junko. He's known all along that "please hate me" is Jataro's backwards-twisted way of saying "please love me".]

[The nymph raises a hand and gently rubs the back of Jataro's head. Other than a slight wheeze thanks to Jataro's tightened grip, he makes no attempt to push the boy away or get him to stop.]

I won't, I promise. Pinky promise, even.

Uu..uuuuuu....

[Don't be fooled by those sad sounding noises. He's very happy right now. So happy. Probably the happiest he has ever truly been. But at least he lets go, not squeezing him anymore but trying to untangle himself. Why?

So he can hold up all four of his pinkies.]

Pinky promise...?

[Nagisa smiles and holds up all four of his own hands without a moment's hesitation, interlocking each of his pinkies with Jataro's. Apparently, he'd had the same idea. What's the point in having four hands if you can't make a pinky promise four times as strong as a normal one?]

Pinky promise.

[What's the point!! Four hands make literally everything better, including pinky promises.]

Okay...thank you, Shingetsu-kun.

[He sounds incredibly grateful, as if the boy just saved his life or something. Something that you'd think would be more significant than pinky promising to be his friend.]

You're welcome, Jataro.

[He pulls his hands away once they've sealed the deal and turns his gaze to the set-aside truck.]

So...why did you wish for a fire truck, anyway? What are you going to do with it?

[He sniffles a little, wiping at his face some as he turns and reaches back for his truck. And then he holds it out to him.]

Don't you think fire trucks are cool? They get to drive around really fast, and they make those really loud noises, and they have hoses on them that can spray water and ladders that go up and up and up! They're a lot better than other cars and trucks. Plus, they're red like blood! And if you drive one, you get to wear the fire fighter outfit.

[Nagisa looks a little taken aback and confused when Jataro holds the truck out to him, but after a moment he takes it in hand anyway, turning the little toy over in his hands to look at it from all the angles he's already seen it from.]

When you put it that way, I guess they are pretty cool. But...all fire fighters have to wear the uniform, you know. Not just the ones who drive. It's protective gear.

Yeah, but I wouldn't want to do any of the firefighting part.

[Just the driving or riding part.]

Well, except for you Shingetsu-kun. I'll fight any fires you need me to!

Should I get you a hat? [He has to suppress a small laugh.] A group of merpeople would make an amazing fire squad though, now that you mention it. You wouldn't even need to use hoses.

[Really, the people of Ryslig should be thinking of ways to use them for harmonious, not fear them. Their loss.]

[Jataro gasps at that idea, looking so impressed with Nagisa's intelligence as usual.]

You're right! They'd be really good at it! I can put out any fire I see all on my own, so if we all got together we'd be really, really good! Do you think we should talk to the other mermaids about it? I bet Dandy-san would!

I'm not sure Dandy would be the best choice...he just started up a restaurant, remember? It takes a lot of work to keep something like that going. [A beat.] Then again, he's clearly not the hardworking type so...

[So maybe it's okay to ask him if he wants to play firefighter in his spare time.]

Edited 2017-08-22 21:50 (UTC)

Maybe if we told him he could meet girls that way?

[Yup. Jataro has definitely caught on that 90% of what Dandy does is to meet babes.]

Maybe. But then he wouldn't actually fight any fires, he'd just spend all his time chasing women.

Well...

[Jataro gives this some thought, tilting his head and "hmmmm"ing.]

Oh! It's like...when you nag at us about when we eat dessert! Like...we can only have a cookie after we eat allllll of our dinners, even the veggies. If you tell him that you can only get girls if you fight fires, that'd work, right? And don't girls like fire fighters? I thought I saw lots of magazines with fire fighters on the front that were all..."Hot fire fighter! The man of your dreams!"

[And then he pauses, raising a hand up to his chin.]

Or are those boy magazines...? Do boys like fire fighters? Well I guess I like fire fighters...

Uwah!! [Please hold this conversation for a slightly distressed Jataro.]

Does that mean I like boys? Shingetsu-kun, how do you know if you like boys or girls? I like Big Sis Junko, but I also like fire fighters! I don't want everyone to pick on me for liking boys! What do I do?

..........

[There is...so much to address here. So much. As is normal with Jataro, since he's so inclined to ramble. Luckily, Nagisa is very no-nonsense, so he's just going to sigh and skip to the part that was actually a question. The relevant bit of rambling.]

It's just...something you know? But, Jataro, all "like" means is that you find something agreeable, enjoyable, or pleasant. You like frogs, right? You like your chisels too. You can like something without loving it.

So, do you find fire fighters physically attractive, or do you just think they're cool? And do you feel the same way about them as you did about Big Sis Junko?

But isn't it different with boys and girls? People don't love frogs and chisels. I've never seen anyone with a frog or a chisel mom or dad.

[You can't convince him. This is a serious problem! The boy whines a little, because those questions don't really help.]

I don't know...how do you know if something is physically attractive? I think they're cool yeah! But what if I think both? I don't think I feel the same way about them though. But Big Sis Junko is a girl. It's a lot different! Girls and boys are like...kitties and frogs! They're totally different things!

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PriestOfHope. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 087.10.149.52 * PriestOfHope has joined 087.10.149.52 <PriestOfHope> have you ever wondered what happens to your thoughts when you send them? <PriestOfHope> people say if a camera takes your picture it actually steals your soul! <PriestOfHope> maybe computers do the same thing... <PriestOfHope>** oh this is jataro. i guess you can leave a message if you want.

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